Tag Archives: husband

His Parting Words

5 Feb

H walked out today again. As in he left. And as he walked down the stairs, instead of the reminiscent, “You’re a psycho,” he simply said, “You need to see someone.” I guess he wasn’t in a sentimental mood since he chose a new parting phrase.

As a matter of fact, I did find “someone” to talk to, and went on my own at first, and then brought H too. The sessions went for several months and helped a bit.

Tension has been high. I have been working steady 12 hours days for several weeks in a row, and we have been traveling for family stuff on weekends.We have not had sex in about 2 months….maybe longer. H has been “satisfied”, but WE have not had sex in forever. There is never enough time, never enough intimacy, never enough romance, never enough trust and transparency (and never anyone but me expected to initiate either).

I listened to a podcast where they said sex should never be about duty; only desire or decision. Well honestly, it is hard to DECIDE to be intimate with a person who you are angry with. And I certainly don’t desire being used by a man who I can’t respect.

We are close to 2 years with H being unemployed. He does a lot around the house, and he does odd jobs, and he does not know what he wants to do. BUT. I am mad. He literally has not tried to find a job. And I have been working my ass off to support us. I admit, I do think it would be helpful for me to “see someone” to talk things out. I have issues that need talking out. BUT, at least I have enough stress in my life to warrant a reason for needing to talk to someone. He simply has day after day after day off, and I still somehow end up being the one he wants making all the decisions. I HATE making decisions for us alone. He hates taking blame for anything. This is a combination that is literally driving us apart, and driving me insane. I DON’T WANT TO BE THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. The problem is that if I’m not the man, then we have no relationship left at all.

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From H – Happy New Year – Kind of….

2 Jan

So 2012 started off very much like other days. Without getting into all the details (see W post on that) suffice it to say I am committed to a difference. I have much to work on, mainly a failure as a husband and leader. I feel like most of our issues stem from my inability to lead in our marriage. I let W charge the enemy while I’m in the back. No more, this has been destroying our marriage and affecting all aspects of our relationship. This week is my week to re-focus and re-examine our roles and re-commit to her. I will work on leading from the front and not requiring her to be forced into a role she does not like and isn’t created for. I will show her that I can change and she can start to respect and trust me. Thanks for your support and looking forward to a New Year/New Start.

From H

30 Dec

So W is upset with me for many things. Feels like we are constantly just waiting for the next thing to happen. We are fine now, but had a big to-do yesterday thought. I have this job where I make cold calls and try and get business. It’s 100% sales with total flexibility as far as hours, location etc. I got the job in September and have worked on and off giving it a couple hours a day some days more than others. After having no success with sales I did some research into the competition and realized that the product is just not competitive. At this point I feel like it’s a waste of time to continue. The cost for my product is over 10 times what some companies are offering… the issue between W and I is that I never gave it a 100%. I never worked an 8 hour day on this. It hurts her because I basically gave up on it and she was hoping to be able to move, not have to work, have kids sooner, get another dog etc…. she asked me in early December to give it one month of full 8 hour days. I told her no and she was very hurt by that. Not so much because of the money, but because she finds it hard to respect me when I won’t do something for her when it means so much. I felt like its a waste of time from the business side… in her defense the issue is a bit deeper. I haven’t had to ever give 100% in my life to get what I want. Everything has just worked out. So by me not giving 100% to this job which theoretically could have provided everything W wanted is hard for her to let go. She sees me as not willing to work hard for something that is important to her. She has told me she thinks I’m a hard worker but I’m not good at creating something from nothing. I kind of wait for something to come by way. I feel like she needs acknowledge that there is nothing I could do to make this sales job a success, regardless of how hard I worked. That being said I do understand why she is so upset and hurt by my lack of effort. Thoughts?