Tag Archives: fight

His Parting Words

5 Feb

H walked out today again. As in he left. And as he walked down the stairs, instead of the reminiscent, “You’re a psycho,” he simply said, “You need to see someone.” I guess he wasn’t in a sentimental mood since he chose a new parting phrase.

As a matter of fact, I did find “someone” to talk to, and went on my own at first, and then brought H too. The sessions went for several months and helped a bit.

Tension has been high. I have been working steady 12 hours days for several weeks in a row, and we have been traveling for family stuff on weekends.We have not had sex in about 2 months….maybe longer. H has been “satisfied”, but WE have not had sex in forever. There is never enough time, never enough intimacy, never enough romance, never enough trust and transparency (and never anyone but me expected to initiate either).

I listened to a podcast where they said sex should never be about duty; only desire or decision. Well honestly, it is hard to DECIDE to be intimate with a person who you are angry with. And I certainly don’t desire being used by a man who I can’t respect.

We are close to 2 years with H being unemployed. He does a lot around the house, and he does odd jobs, and he does not know what he wants to do. BUT. I am mad. He literally has not tried to find a job. And I have been working my ass off to support us. I admit, I do think it would be helpful for me to “see someone” to talk things out. I have issues that need talking out. BUT, at least I have enough stress in my life to warrant a reason for needing to talk to someone. He simply has day after day after day off, and I still somehow end up being the one he wants making all the decisions. I HATE making decisions for us alone. He hates taking blame for anything. This is a combination that is literally driving us apart, and driving me insane. I DON’T WANT TO BE THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. The problem is that if I’m not the man, then we have no relationship left at all.


Starting out with a 4 1/2 hour fight (W)

5 Sep

It’s now 10:06 and I finally told H (Husband) that I love him. I’ve been holding out since about 5:30 when our fight started. I’m the emotional one in this marriage. At least outwardly. Sometimes I wonder if H (Husband) ever has any real emotions, other than pride. I’m also the one who over-reacts, has “unreasonable” expectations, and can be “psycho”, although I’m never allowed to call myself a bitch, because he simply “will not allow it – it’s not true!”. Today’s fight was really a result of nothing too big of a deal. I simply expected H to make love to me this morning (we only had to be at church at 10:15). The only problem is that I didn’t tell him what I expected, and he is so sensitive to me that he usually does not initiate for fear of making me feel obligated. As a result, he often makes me believe I’m not desirable although he swears it’s not true. Anyhow, he didn’t know my expectations, and therefore – obviously – didn’t act accordingly. My feelings were bruised, but I had not processed any of that yet, so I was fairly unaware of my simmering pot of emotional turmoil.

The rest of the day was wonderful. We went to church, had a picnic in the park with my family and The Puppy (another story for another day), got ice-cream at a nearby farm that sells homemade yumminess, and came home. Now, this is the part that makes me feel sheepish (and not in a farm animal kind of way): we came home from the the park and H decided we were going to wash The Puppy. The Puppy does NOT agree with us on any occassion that we feel it is necessary to bathe him. He makes it quite clear. Bathing The Puppy is NOT my idea of a fun activity. There is always some small drama that unfolds. So I was perturbed. THEN, H decided to tackle a small handy-man project. Now both the dog bath and the handyman project were things I had been asking H to do for awhile, so I should have been happy. But I was not. All I wanted was to take a shower (the dog park was exceptionally dusty) and a nap. It’s Sunday after all. However, here we are at 5 o’clock and H makes me a cup of tea (my obsession), and wonders why I am steaming. As I write this I realize why he was so confused. He had just completed some tasks I’ve been bugging him to do, and I am mad!It may sound like I am “psycho”, as H ONCE called me in the heat of a fight. Maybe it’s true sometimes, but I don’t know how to communicate my hurt. H did so many wonderful things, but I don’t feel like a priority. None of those things were things I wanted to do today. They were things that were supposed to be done awhile ago. This is all mixed up with a couple of other problems. While I am typing this, I convinced H to get some pizza. I smell it and need to go eat.

Am I psycho?