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I don’t get it

18 Feb

So she says the same thing over and over… I try to save her from saying it again by politely asking her to not repeat herself and attack me again…she gets annoyed that I interupt her. So my thought to her, say something different, that dosent involve telling me the same thing again. When you continually tell me that im a horrible husband I don’t listen to you!

I miss you

21 Jan

“I miss you,” is what I said to H this morning as he lay next to me in bed. How is it possible that I can miss him when he is right here next to me? Has anyone else ever experienced this?

On a side note, the snow that fell overnight clothed our world in white. Literally. The flakes are falling, it is a snow shower, a storm if you will, but it makes things so fresh and so beautiful. I am seeing what I hope is true of our relationship…we’re having our share of “showers” and “storms” right now, but it is really (I hope) just giving us a fresh, new perspective that might even just be beautiful when we look at the big picture.

Happy Saturday.

Do you ever wish?

16 Jan

Do you ever wish you could just move somewhere. Quit your job and move? I WANT to. I want to move south, away from the cold that bothers me…away to where people are generally more polite and less rushed. Is that crazy to give up a stable job and move away from NJ; to like Nashville? I mean, I love NYC, the beach, my town…but I don’t have a lot of close friends here…they are all spread out. And I am constantly stressed out here with this pace of life.

Would that be totally irresponsible? I have no mortgage and no children…

Fear is paralysis

10 Jan

Fear can be paralyzing. My main fear is the fear of uncertainty. Fear is essentially a lack of trust. That’s all it is.

I recently watched “New Year’s Eve” (the movie) and there was a quote the struck me. I will paraphrase: If you could do one thing today and know you would not fail, what would you do? Now go out a do it.

This has me thinking as I ponder a new year and a new direction….

Question for a Monday

9 Jan

What is stealing your joy?

Don’t let it. Your purpose today is for more than letting something steal your joy.

SO, readers; what is it that steals YOUR joy?

From H – Happy New Year – Kind of….

2 Jan

So 2012 started off very much like other days. Without getting into all the details (see W post on that) suffice it to say I am committed to a difference. I have much to work on, mainly a failure as a husband and leader. I feel like most of our issues stem from my inability to lead in our marriage. I let W charge the enemy while I’m in the back. No more, this has been destroying our marriage and affecting all aspects of our relationship. This week is my week to re-focus and re-examine our roles and re-commit to her. I will work on leading from the front and not requiring her to be forced into a role she does not like and isn’t created for. I will show her that I can change and she can start to respect and trust me. Thanks for your support and looking forward to a New Year/New Start.

Starting off 2012 with a bang

2 Jan

2012 was great…as long as we were with my family. When we came home it turned into this:

Jan 1st – night: We decided to plan a vacation for February. H gets frustrated with online “lies” (rates that advertise cheaper than they end up being). This frustrates me because I want to be excited. Go to bed.

Jan 2nd – morning: My day off. Last night I told H that I wanted to have a relaxing day – the kind where you plan what you are going to do right as you want to do it (so there is no stress of a schedule to keep.) Alas, I woke up to H beside me, reading some stupid free book that he has no interest in. H is frustrated with me because I didn’t get up early enough to have the productive day he planned. I immediately became upset and hurt because I had specifically told him yesterday that I wanted my day off to be relaxing with no schedule. AND, he had NOT communicated his desire at all, so it was totally unfair to expect me to know he wanted to have me get up early. ARG….this went downhill fast, resulting in my expressing the fact that I can’t respect someone who doesn’t listen to me, or communicate with me, and H saying he wanted to “draw a line in the sand” and “start over”. I don’t work like that. If you’ve ever heard the comparison of men are like waffles and women like spaghetti, well this is true of us. H can put things in a “box” and I have things wound up all in every aspect of my life. Can’t separate. Must resolve.

Right now H is calling places about getting our dog neutered, and I am sitting in my PJ’s with puffy eyes, from realizing that I am actually grieving a death of a dream (another piece of spaghetti) – H’s job that he has, in my opinion, not given an honest effort to.

SO this is very convoluted, and not the best way to begin 2012….but honesty is something, right?

I do have something positive to offer. I found this very cool blog: simplemom.net

She had a very cool thing to do for the new year: 20 downloadable questions to ask yourself. I’m going to do it today. You should take a gander at it if you get a chance. You can even download and print a copy of the Q’ s here.