Another date-less Wednesday… (W)

5 Oct

When we were in therapy (and actually even before that ) I communicated to H some things that I needed from him. There were some abstract things like making me a priority, don’t treat me like I’m invisible etc. But there was ONE ACTION ITEM.

The one practical thing I need:  an official date night once a week where H makes all the decisions.

I spend all day every day being in charge and making decisions for other people. I’m a middle school teacher. I manage hormones and small life crisis, amid grammar and writing for what seems like an eternity each day. I know what it’s like to speak to someone who has the memory of a fruit fly, and who cannot retain any information from minute to minute. I know what it’s like for people who struggle with absract concepts. After all, tell a kid he has detention tomorrow, and it’s like telling him he has a test eight years from next Tuesday. In middle school, life is concrete. Everything is concrete or else seems crazy. There is no abstract. I can handle this at work. But I can’t deal with it being my experience at home too. My 12 year old sister remembers more than H ever does. Seriously. I need a freakin’ break.

So back to the action item: date night. Well, Wednesday is our “date night” since H is out doing various things on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Since last November, he has planned and taken me on ONE date. It was to a junky pizza place we like, it was snowing, and I think we MAYBE went to Starbucks later. It was not expensive, did not take a lot of time to plan, and did not take very long. But it was wonderful! I had the best time. I relaxed for the only time in my living memory (well…okay that is a bit of an exaggeration). The point is that is was not hard for H to plan, and it was fun for me. I felt appreciated, relaxed and definitely not invisible for a few short hours.

Every Wednesday rolls around with a hope and a disappointing fight. Today’s went something like this (after already asking on two occasions about date night, but being blown off):

H:” What are you thinking for dinner?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess you didn’t plan a date. I have to be honest and say I’m disappointed.”

H:”Well, I’m sorry but I didn’t know how long you’d be at the doctor. You could have been there ’til 10 p.m.”

Me: “I don’t want to fight. I just wanted to let you know how it makes me feel.”

H: “Don’t you understand the extenuating circumstances of today? I had no idea when you would be done!”

Me: ” That’s really a fucking (notice I’m losing it here…) ridiculous reason to give me in place of an apology. Do you even hear yourself?”

At this point H starts yelling at the dog to shut up. Puppy ate recently. He needs to poop.

Me: “Go take him out. Don’t yell at him!”

H: Walks out, muttering unintelligibly under his breath. Slams door so the whole block hears it.

Me: Change into comfy clothes, start blogging, still deciding what the hell to eat for dinner…

 

Is my frustration reasonable? Am I being too hard on H?

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One Response to “Another date-less Wednesday… (W)”

  1. marriagecoach1 October 6, 2011 at 10:03 am #

    Since you asiked for feedback I am going to give you some. I feel your pain and I counsel guys to continue to date their wives. Having said that I also counsel wives to not use profanity towards their husbands and especially not the F word and definitley NEVER EVER SAY FUCK YOU to your man. It is the ultimate hate speech and totally disprespectful. Men need respect even more than they need sex.

    Ironically, these same women who say fuck you to their men have a real problem changing that personal pronoun to me as in Fuck me in passsion. It is music to a man’s ears.

    I suggest that you ditch the counselor and try marriage coaching instead. It has a much
    higher success rate. You could also check out my blog post on how to stop fighting with your spouse and have peaceful conflict resolution. In fact if you are interested you could send me your email address and I could email it back.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

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