…not exactly (W)

2 Oct

Yesterday was awful. I was stuck making a pie while I felt like my life was falling apart. It turns out H talked to my mom for like 3 hours about all our problems. He felt much better and came home with a chai latte for me, begging for me to give him another chance. I say another, not a second chance, because there have been many of these…

Short version: He needs to make me a priority and communicate that in MY language, and I need to be more patient.

Issues:

1. Sex life (more on this another time…but it is far from ideal and affecting EVERY aspect of our marriage) I am at a loss on this one.

2. Trust. Without it we have nothing. I trust he will not cheat on me, but I can’t trust that what he tells me is the whole truth, or is not the exaggerated truth etc. He is not forthcoming with details (and he ALWAYS blames this on his memory). There are stories on this topic, but they will have to wait.

3. Feeling invisible. H says it’s all about intentions, and I say it’s all about actions. I often feel invisible because H does not remember   

     what  I say, or interrupts me when I’m speaking.

4. Make each other a priority. I NEED H to make plans and be the man instead of waiting for me to make every decision.

5. Cleaning. Sounds crazy but it’s my thing. I don’t need him to clean at my level, but I need him to try instead of saying he’ll never be able to do it and giving up without an attempt.

6. Work on it. We have been to counseling. I have read books. I have bought him books.  I have talked to people. He needs to DO something that shows he is invested in our marriage.

I am very thankful for God’s mercies that are new every morning. I only wish I could be as patient with H.

 

P.S>. My flowers are BEAUTIFUL!

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2 Responses to “…not exactly (W)”

  1. dormantcharge October 15, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    It sounds to me like he spoke to your mother fo 3 hours and that in itself is making an effort, right? Especally since his mother sounds completely different than his and it must be scary to deal with someone else’s. He also brought you a latte.. one thing I value so much is when my husband does something little like that. It lets me know I was on his mind.

    I do understand the date night thing.. been there. Our 10th wedding anniversary is the 27th and I’m leaving it up to him.

    Have you read The 5 Love Languages? We are getting it to read together and since you mentioned ‘your language’, maybe it would help you two. My husband and I both think it makes sense.

    One thing I can suggest is to maybe not badmouth each other in your blog? And certainly don’t talk about the marrital bed and what is or isn’t happening in it.. I’m not saying I’m completely innocent of these things, but when I did make the mistakes, it didn’t bring anything good.

    I will pray for you guys and wish you well.

    • glasshousemarriage October 16, 2011 at 10:33 pm #

      I’ve read The 5 Love Languages years ago….we have discussed the concept and are familiar with our “languages”. Thanks for the encouragement!

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