The end (W)

1 Oct

It feels like the end of my world (at least as I know it).

I don’t remember it ever being this bad. I asked H to leave today. Actually, I wasn’t so nice as that.  (And just so this doesn’t sound so completely out of context and left field- we’ve been fighting terribly since Wednesday night and for the better part of the last several years – although this week was very intense). After several conversations where I felt invisible because H would cut off my sentences after asking me a question, I told him I needed him to finish whatever he was working on (vacuuming) and then leave until about 4pm when we have to leave to go meet people for dinner (how lovely). I repeated myself 3 times, and he kept asking what I wanted him to do. Finally I told him to “get the *$!# out of this house and the hell out of my life”. I repeated myself, adding in how he had f’d up my life, our marriage and my house. I told him I would clean up after him, clean the house, do my work, make the pie that needs to come with us tonight, take care of the dog etc. At one point I also pulled down some shades that he broke recently and threw then down the stairs (they were going to go in the trash, but the drama seemed timely).

THEN, I called up my favorite florist, told them I was having a bad day and ordered myself flowers.

Now he went over to talk to my mom. I don’t know if that is supposed to be a threat, or if he finally cares enough to ask for help. I’m not sure I like it, but whatever.

There’s a lot more to the backstory but I’m out of energy. I don’t know what to do and I hate feeling this way, but things need to change. We need a miracle.


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