Starting out with a 4 1/2 hour fight (W)

5 Sep


It’s now 10:06 and I finally told H (Husband) that I love him. I’ve been holding out since about 5:30 when our fight started. I’m the emotional one in this marriage. At least outwardly. Sometimes I wonder if H (Husband) ever has any real emotions, other than pride. I’m also the one who over-reacts, has “unreasonable” expectations, and can be “psycho”, although I’m never allowed to call myself a bitch, because he simply “will not allow it – it’s not true!”. Today’s fight was really a result of nothing too big of a deal. I simply expected H to make love to me this morning (we only had to be at church at 10:15). The only problem is that I didn’t tell him what I expected, and he is so sensitive to me that he usually does not initiate for fear of making me feel obligated. As a result, he often makes me believe I’m not desirable although he swears it’s not true. Anyhow, he didn’t know my expectations, and therefore – obviously – didn’t act accordingly. My feelings were bruised, but I had not processed any of that yet, so I was fairly unaware of my simmering pot of emotional turmoil.

The rest of the day was wonderful. We went to church, had a picnic in the park with my family and The Puppy (another story for another day), got ice-cream at a nearby farm that sells homemade yumminess, and came home. Now, this is the part that makes me feel sheepish (and not in a farm animal kind of way): we came home from the the park and H decided we were going to wash The Puppy. The Puppy does NOT agree with us on any occassion that we feel it is necessary to bathe him. He makes it quite clear. Bathing The Puppy is NOT my idea of a fun activity. There is always some small drama that unfolds. So I was perturbed. THEN, H decided to tackle a small handy-man project. Now both the dog bath and the handyman project were things I had been asking H to do for awhile, so I should have been happy. But I was not. All I wanted was to take a shower (the dog park was exceptionally dusty) and a nap. It’s Sunday after all. However, here we are at 5 o’clock and H makes me a cup of tea (my obsession), and wonders why I am steaming. As I write this I realize why he was so confused. He had just completed some tasks I’ve been bugging him to do, and I am mad!It may sound like I am “psycho”, as H ONCE called me in the heat of a fight. Maybe it’s true sometimes, but I don’t know how to communicate my hurt. H did so many wonderful things, but I don’t feel like a priority. None of those things were things I wanted to do today. They were things that were supposed to be done awhile ago. This is all mixed up with a couple of other problems. While I am typing this, I convinced H to get some pizza. I smell it and need to go eat.

Am I psycho?

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One Response to “Starting out with a 4 1/2 hour fight (W)”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Why don’t you want me?(W) « glasshousemarriage - November 4, 2011

    […] Like I’m sure every other couple has the occasional headache or gets sick etc. I do have chronic pain, but not the kind that affects our sex life. That is just H’s excuse for not […]

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