Archive | September, 2011

Hubby to Wifey

22 Sep

It’s frustrating when I realize how much stress I add to my beloveds day. All I want to do is help but I make things worse more often then not. Sorry baby! I communicate so differently then her I make her feel unloved. NO! You are EVERYTHING to me! You are so precious I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I love you xo

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H to w

14 Sep

I have the most beautiful wife in the world and apparently I don’t tell her that. Baby you’re stunning! I love you!

Decisions that suck

13 Sep

…some decisions suck the life out of me….especially when H makes them without asking my opinion (when it involves me and my future).

 

H just recently was offered a job – hallelujah – after a year long of no full time work. H decided that it would be a good idea to share the specifics of the finances with someone else without asking if that bothered me. I feel like that decision sucked because:

1. My opinion was not anywhere on H’s radar, and therefore I am not an obvious priority in his life/mind.

2. It is noone else’s damn business.

Admittedly I am tired, but I am annoyed.

 

Petty?

 

From H to W

8 Sep

Hey W I love you so much! I hate that I am the cause of your frustrations, forgive me? I am wholly devoted to you even though my actions often say otherwise. I love you! Hey world, I have the best babe out there!

Another day, another fight (W)

8 Sep

I don’t think we’ve gone a day in over a year without a fight. Seriously. I’m soooo tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of being tired. Tired of stress.

Here’s the deal: I have chronic headaches and back pain. It all started about 4 years ago. I get a headache almost every day that lasts all day usually. It is rare that I wake up without a headache, and even more rare that I go to bed without one. My back is always stiff, and last October I fell on an inflatable game at a fair and ruined my rotator cuff in my right shoulder (I’m right handed).  As a result – almost everything I pick up hurts me, regardless of how heavy it is. I’m never comfortable, whether it is standing, sitting or lying down, and I don’t sleep well. Ever. This is bad, because if you’ve ever met me, you would know that little sleep equals irritable me. You can see why this is really bad, because with constant pain, I’m already usually irritable. Not because I want to be either. I try REALLY hard to not complain about any of this stuff I’m complaining about here on our blog. I hate feeling like everything has to revolve around me, like I’m holding everyone’s plans back. We can’t go running – it hurts my back. We can’t carry backpacks, we can’t, we can’t, we can’t.

I’ve spent days of my life getting MRI’s of my brain, going to chiropractors and physical therapy for my physical pain. I have spent additional weeks of my life reading books and seeing a therapist to try to help me with my sexual and marriage issues. I have spent every other possible second working (I’m a teacher and LOVE being one, but it takes a crap load of energy, and I ALWAYS have work at home at night and on weekends).  Any minute amount of patience I have left at the end of a literally painful, and middle school crazed day, is an absolute miracle. And I have zero way to relieve stress in my life. These are the reasons why I fight so much with H.

H simply cannot understand my life. He really does try. He wishes he could take my pain. All that. But he has the.worst.memory.ever. And that sucks because it makes me feel invisible. He doesn’t remember things I say, but he can remember anything HE wants to. This happens a lot. So today, when I have a pounding headache and have had a full day at work (and tutoring after work), I walked in the door and was informed that H signed us up to teach a two week Sunday School class at our church. What?!?!?  Seriously. H added MORE to my plate, and then had the nerve to tell me that I need to block everything out until I get to the bottom of my pain. What the hell have I been doing the last year of my life with all these freakin’ appointments fit in between my job and taking care of H? For the record, H lost his job about a year ago – the company he worked for shut down. He has been doing part time things, but nothing full time. And please don’t get me wrong because he is actually a good husband, but he doesn’t do anything unless I:

1. write it down (and stick the note on the tv or computer screen)

2. Remind him more than once.

He does work. But I have to organize, plan, decide, remind, pester, re-do…..all that takes more time that if I do it myself. But if I do it myself, he complains that I don’t give him a chance.

So does that make me crazy that when he informed me we would be teaching a class for two weeks on Sunday, I kinda lost it (and did not even care that he had a job interview today or that he bought me a bottle of Gucci Guilty perfume that I’ve been wanting for a long time)?

So far…(W)

5 Sep

This is a good day in marriage. So far. Today – Labor Day – has started out superbly. H made me tea in bed (p.s. he does that EVERY day) and went to walk the puppy on his own. He gave him a super long walk which frees me up to do whatever I want today since Puppy will be nice and tired. As I lounge in bed (I woke up an hour ago) I am typing this and looking out at a sunshine-y morning, listening to H bang aroudn in the kitchen making me breakfast. Right now, H is the best husband in the world.

4 1/2 hour fight part B (from Husband)

5 Sep

So here we go again…seems like we have a crazy cycle and the issues just bounce from one to the next. We are never able to resolve anything. I know she hates this as much if not more than I do. I don’t understand why she persists sometimes. Well I do; she claims she cares and loves me and doesn’t want to let me settle for less. Which I get. What I don’t get is her approach to trying to resolve issues. She seems to think that bringing my Mom into the issue will somehow help me relate to what she is talking about. Guess what? It doesn’t; I tune it out. Sometimes I feel like I listen more when she does that but its mainly so the fight can end.

In her defense I am bad at a lot of things relating to marriage. I never remember her “love languages” and I act on them even less… I am good at giving other people advice on how to not be married with a ball and chain attached to your leg. But I don’t seem to be able to put that into action. I understand that for a marriage to work she has to feel like she is more important then baseball, work, friends and other social events. I almost always forget to make time with JUST her a priority. I think this fight I got it though. Gonna make sure that I plan activities for us (without any tag alongs). I will trust that she will say something if she wants others involved.

I’m tired so this is a bit dis organized but don’t worry I’ll be better in the future with much more in depth analysis on why we bump heads and how I am missing really obvious things. Good night world, LOVE YOU W!